i haven't blogged in forever. oh oh oh, my 3 followers. oh, my 3 followers, ohhhh. you must be wondering what fascinating and important things i am doing with my time. the 3 of you must be just dying. here's what i've been doing: nannying for a 15 month old baby child called eva 3 mornings each week. i tell her to jump and then she bends her tiny legs and pushes her tiny socked feet into the floor and i lift her and move her all around the room to create the sensation that her legs are as powerful as a bullfrog's. we watch cartoons and it's a job. i am also still selling coffee to people as a job. today i broke a plate. 2 even pieces, a clean break. i just stared at it on the floor until the baker said, "so. what do you need?" those are the kinds of questions i used to ask the ladies i worked with when i was a skills trainer. one might say, "i want spaghetti for supper," and i might say, "ok, what ingredients do you need?" or "ok, what's the first step?" and then we would go through the whole glorious process, step by step, because sometimes the "natural responses" that people are supposed to share just don't come and for some reason, we insist that they should, and so i was paid to practice normality with people by co-cooking spaghetti and whatnot. i guess it makes things easier overall if there's a formulaic way to do any given task, but it gets pretty boring, and i think it would be fine to make spaghetti by putting 3 whole tomatoes and a quarter pound of ground beef into a pot of water and macaroni noodles, covering it, and setting it in the oven and then stringing string cheese for an hour to substitute for shredded parmesan. i love string cheese. so that's what i've been doing lately. and i started a no-money internship with the advocates for human rights, which is the greatest thing that i've accomplished lately besides not being dumped by ryankitten, who is a very good support and easy on the eyes. as an intern, i make phone calls, update databases, and write about child prostitution.
i'm not going to say too much about Maslenitsa. it's "butter week," which i said already. it's a pagan celebration of the revival of nature celebrated in the last week before lent BY RUSSIANS. it involves leaving pancakes on graves of loved ones, cursing at and burning strawdolls in demand of spring (*note: the doll is always dressed in women's clothing, it is NOT okay to burn a strawMAN or to blame a strawMAN for how goddamn cold the winter was because IT'S NOT HIS FAULT), brawls, gifts, and gargling with vodka. this is what it looks like:
i don't know why i'm blogging about Maslenitsa. leave me be. i am supposed to be going to a gay bar tonight, one of my favorite activities, but kelli now has a stomach flu and is having a pepto snack and a nap, so i might just stay in my parents' home to watch The Office while everyone else in his or her twenties gets fucked up on fun and has a regular time of it. snooze. oh, there's another thing i did, which was going to chicago last week with 6 women to celebrate our 3 year reunion. i love them, all 6 of them, because they are my girlpile and because they are so fucking witty and great at drinking wine out of plastic cups, dancing on poles for free shots, and walking in high heels. i wish we were all living in the same country in the same state or province and in the same house or flat. that's what i wish.
maybe i'll do a sketch again someday. it's been a while. i haven't been sketching but i have been making things. i made potato man. eventually, i had to throw potato man away because he lost an eye and he went soft and he started to green. i can put a pancake on his grave next month if i feel like it.