graphics: 2 / truth: i can't tell a lie

it has recently come to my consciousness that the reason i am so good at scoring interviews and so bad at sealing deals is that i cannot tell a lie to save my life.  the most recent no-hire interview was with whole foods, a cashier position which i am overqualified for and would rock at since i'm into almond milk and kale and figs and medjool dates.  because i did not "plan on pursuing a life-long career" with whole foods, i was not offered a spot.  in fact, i don't plan on pursuing anything, period.  i don't plan.  i go with the flow and i'm incredibly committed to everything i take on.  but i refuse to make plans.  and i can't tell lies.  and so that is exactly what i will tell the nice woman interviewing me tomorrow morning if and when she asks me what my greatest weakness is.  i hate that interview question.  i don't find it relevant, since my greatest weaknesses do not interfere with my work.  i'm under review for a few positions, and i'm nannying my tinyfriend in the meantime, but i'm beginning to get very worried (since with the state shutdown, i can no longer see my dear, sweAt therapist* - - and i could potentially lose my state health care which would leave me unable to afford the medication that keeps my head on straight).

earlier this week, i entered myself into a raffle to win 1,000 roses.  results this weekend.  i've spent all my spare time thinking up different things that i could do with 1,000 roses.  the last time i entered a raffle, i was in decorah iowa and i was trying to win a motorcycle.  i bet i'd give all of the roses to my boyfriend's mother.  or i'd schedule a photo shoot for me and silverback.  or i'd divide them into bouquets to send anonymously to every person who has ever made my day.  or i'd send them to bill murray because i've been trying to get in touch with him for years.  or i'd put all of them on one grave.  while i was at the florist's, i read about rose meanings and learned that my favorite roses are coral-colored or yellow.  coral means desire.  yellow means welcome back.

*a sweAt therapist is a therapist who is sweetest when his or her client is at their sweatiest (i.e. at their most furiously anxious and maniacal).  the sweAt therapist is NOT sweet like a nice person; he or she is sweet like a person who is has mastered the balance between logic and compassion.  a sweAt therapist may also be a therapist who treats a client who suffers from hyperhydrosis  (like me), coaching him or her on how to understand and cope with their unusual physical condition.


  1. Not telling lies isn't a weakness, it is a strength. Sometimes it is harder to be truthful.

    I love all your ideas of what to do with 1,000 roses, especially dividing them into bouquets and giving them away. It would make a lot of peoples day!

    What is a 'sweat' therapist?! (Had to ask!) ;)

    Try not to worry. It doesn't help. Breathe deeply and know you will be okay.

  2. Ohhhhhh, thanks for the definition.

  3. Hey Babers,
    I think it's natural that you can't tell a lie. First of all, you're Minnesotan. Secondly, you are not a liar.
    If you want to learn how to lie you should come to Japan. People here lie all the time. It's like an essential part of life.

    "Can you speak Enlgish"
    "No, no, no."

    *Actually this person is completely fluent

    "Do you have a girlfriend?"
    "GA-RU-FU-REN-DO? NO! NO!"

    *Actually, this person is engaged.

    Anyway, here's hoping the g-verment get's is act together.

    PS Love ur ART.