truth: not so hot / lukewarm.

on monday night at 7:30, i met R at sweeney's to take the edge off my test anxiety, since i had scheduled to take the GRE on tuesday morning.  she and i proceeded to take the edge off until 1:30 AM and we made a new best friend called Myron while we were at it.  Myron is the first new friend that i have made in minnesota since moving home with my parents.  Myron is a forty-some years old, recently divorced, computer technician who loves to cook.  Myron lamented that it is terribly difficult to make friends as a single middle-aged man living in the suburbs because every time he tries, men assume that he is gay and interested.  R and i sympathized with this.  R and new friend Myron convinced me that everyone takes the GRE at least twice and that the first time is all giggles and so i felt a warm and false sense of calm.  i just took a sudsy bath in that calm and felt real good about pretty much everything.  Myron, R, and i shared two baskets of cajun fries and then exchanged phone numbers, swearing that we would be true friends for all time.  and then i told R that i have always loved her and i combed her hair and asked her what it was made of, plastic?  she informed me that my hair is absolutely made of cobwebs, and then, since we were sauced up and combed, R and i decided to find out once and for all whether we are gay or not.  after an hour's worth of testing and no results, i drove home and crawled into my distraction/bed and slept a solid 5 hours.  and then:

not.

i took some aspirin and drank a cup of tea before driving to woodbury (incidentally, where Myron resides) for my test.  i felt like two bucks.  and i was stuck on 694 behind a minivan with a HAVEFUN license plate.  really.  i didn't giggle once.  i didn't even smile.  i just took the test and when i finished, the volunteer test administrator asked me, "do you always type with one hand?" i do.  i can even do it without looking at the keyboard.  but that doesn't mean that i can test well.  in fact, i tested very averagely.  so this is why i take anxiety medication and why i am seeing a therapist about my self-defeating tendencies.  it's okay though, because Myron came into the cafe today just as my shift ended and we had a so very pleasant conversation about sushi and beer and seasonal affective disorder.  wowee.  it's also okay because boyfriend says being gaycurious is as permissible as i say it is.  he said that because he is a Good Support.  so obviously, i am doing a great job.  i am doing a shining job.  watch me shine.